3 Future and Grace

Ideal Future- Plan A 

My ideal future includes me being working in the hospital as a pediatric nurse practitioner; it’s always been my dream job. I will live in a really nice, warm cozy house with 5 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, a decent living room, dining room, kitchen, family room, basement, attic, a big yard, garage and a nice decorative porch. I don't really know about marriage yet, but I'll be with a long time partner with two beautiful kids. In my ideal future, I see myself being financially stable meaning I'm not living paycheck to paycheck but I'm not “balling” out either. I'm still debating if I want to stay in America or move somewhere else like Canada. Hopefully, I will be still working with OSDPC, and traveling to Haiti in the summer time not only to give back but for my kids to get know their background and history. In my ideal future, I find inner peace and true happiness. All my hard work is rewarded, and so much more.

The twist

In life, we should always expect the unexpected. We should always know that nothing goes according to plan, and plans are going to change just like our future. A twist that may happen in the future that I plan is finding my dream guy and getting the opportunity to go to Africa for a year as a nurse. The twist would be that I would have to choose between my dream man and the opportunity I’ve always wanted. If I go to Africa I'll be doing so many amazing work, in the field that I love,  I will be meeting all of these amazing people, but I will be giving up something I never thought I could find. If I stay I would probably be is that myself for giving up an amazing opportunity and deep down inside I wouldn't happen. The twisted plot is choosing between my heart and my passion.

Alternative- Plan B

I don’t end up with a Ph.D. in science, but instead I get a degree in psychology and I become a counselor in a high school and teach part at a college. Besides teaching, I work as an interpreter and travel around the world. I get to do all this amazing things and meet all these amazing people. In the summer, I spent a lot of time Europe, studying languages and culture.  I live in a modern loft and I have a long time boyfriend that works in the entertainment industry. Even if it is not what I plan, I'm still very happy. “In whatever situation you're in, try to find happiness.”

Grace is…

Grace is awakening

I feel its presence

I understand what is coming

I appreciate all that is conspiring

I accepted my reality

And I remove all my illusion

Grace is connection

No words are needed

Just let yourself feel

Let the love within flows

Knowing that we connected

We are all one

Grave is faith

The thoughts of the things to come

The drive to keep going

To keep pushing for all that you want

To know that challenge lay ahead

And continue the fight

Grace is a flow

Something you can’t control

It’s our journey

Not such so much our destination

Grace is freedom

Grace is anything and everything………..

Into the Future

I want a PhD in science.

Future Road trip to all 50 States!

A future Pediatric Nurse practitioner.

I want to live in Africa for at least a year after I get my degree in Science

                                                                                      Like anyone else, traveling is a dream of mine.

Finding inner peace is something I strive for, and finding it will bring me so much joy.

A vision of my dream house.Not to be big or small.

                                                                                     

One of my dream car; A dodge.

                                                                        .

We all need someone! A beautiful friendship that can later lead to a relationship, then marriage.

A beautiful, loving family.

         
Going back home.

Opening a clinic in Haiti is a dream that I hope becomes reality.

Even though I have a fear of height, I've always wanted to skydive.

Giving back in as many ways as I can.

Just live life













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In the Future I see….

In the future I see

Signs of celebrations

Caps are being toss

Toast are being made

Laughter in the air

In the Future I see

Cars and planes

And many foreign things

I see the city lights

As I am boarding my flight

In the future I see

Blue and white light

As nurses comes and goes

IVs hanging of the walls

As people get help

In the future I see

Him; someone I’ve yet to meet

But I know I will love

I see him, I see love

I see rose pedals and the words ‘I DO”

In the future I see

Two people I’ve yet to meet

But I already love

I see them running around making a mess

And I know there blessing waiting to happen

In the future I see

My birth land Haiti

And a clinic waiting to be open.

I see help being giving

And everyone I love

In the future I see

Obstacle that are waiting to be conquer

Mountains to be climb

Tears that will be shed

But I know I will come out victorious

In the future I see, everything I want and so much more.

                                                                                    

Passion

In this hard life of ours passion is something we all need to survive. In a lot of ways we are all driven by passion and you can say that it is the “oxygen to the soul”. Being such an intense emotion passion can be divided into four categories and like everything in life there're two sides of passion; the pleasure and the pain. 

Passion is something that grows by the moment, it is something that you can never run out of, and it can either drive you to the most wonderful places or the darkest; it all depends on you. Personally for me I have varieties of passions, from the relationships with different people in my life to learning new and exciting things, music, my culture, cooking, organizing, travelling, giving back and many more. Everything I just listed is the things I do with great love and excitement.  They are some of the things that bring me joy in life, and if I could do one thing for the rest of my days of earth it would working as an NP in some hospital or clinic.

Ever since I could remember, I’ve always had the passion for giving back and making a huge difference in my community. I wanted to change lives, and I know I had to start with mine. When the time came to pick a career I was always stuck between being a teacher and a nurse, but as time pass by I started leaning towards nursing more, and more. Being a nurse has always been a dream of mine, and making it as my career will connect and allow me to give back while making a different.  I remember the days when I would volunteer at the nursing home and the joy I would get helping the elders made the feel so warm on the coldest days.  The thought of connecting my passion with my career is something that brings me joy, and excitement.

My passion has always been to make a difference within my community and my surroundings so my target is everyone that needs helps. One of the things I really want to do is to open a clinic in Haiti someday. In this clinic, people with low income will be granted free vaccines and medicine.  This is a chance to give back to my home, and I am willing to fight any cause that support service to those in need. Haiti is one the places that I hold dearly to my heart, and giving back to the people there while doing what I love is definitely a passion fulfilled.

La Passion

It’s the desire that burn inside

The pleasure you crave so deeply

The things you indulge in

La passion

Is the way you love me

The way you hold in your arm

It'syour smile

La passion

Is knowing the power you have

The lives you may change

The people you may touch

La passion

Is the thing that drives you

Is the motivation to success

It’s the fight to making your dream reality

La passion

Is the art I admire

The lyrics that pour out the words that my heart wants to yell out

It’s the stories that we connect to

La passion

Is the proposal

The discovery

The energy

The lust

The obsession

The pleasure and the pain

La passion

It’s the desire that
burn inside

The pleasure you
crave so deeply

The things you
indulge in

La passion

Is the way you love me

The way you hold in your arm

It your smile

La passion

Is knowing the power you have

The lives you may change

The people you may touch

La passion

Is the thing that drives you

Is the motivation to success

It’s the fight to making your
dream reality

La passion 

Is the art I admire

The lyrics that pour out the
words that my heart wants to yell out

It’s the stories that we connect
to

La passion 

Is the proposal

The discovery

The energy 

The lust

The obsession

The pleasure and the pain

La passion 







La Passion

It’s the desire that
burn inside

The pleasure you
crave so deeply

The things you
indulge in

La passion

Is the way you love me

The way you hold in your arm

It your smile

La passion

Is knowing the power you have

The lives you may change

The people you may touch

La passion

Is the thing that drives you

Is the motivation to success

It’s the fight to making your
dream reality

La passion 

Is the art I admire

The lyrics that pour out the
words that my heart wants to yell out

It’s the stories that we connect
to

La passion 

Is the proposal

The discovery

The energy 

The lust

The obsession

The pleasure and the pain

La passion 

Gratitude

For the past two weeks, I have sat and thought about this post. I thought about how to begin and what to write, but nothing seem to work or came out right. It’s not because it is a difficult topic, but because how ungrateful you are sometimes. As the seasons of thanks, approach, it is time to show our gratitude; so this week post is about the things that I am grateful for, and the things I take for granted.

The things I take for granted

It’s so easy to take the things and the people in our life for granted. It is not because we are selfish but because we get so use to them in our daily life, so we stop admiring and caring for them as much. Growing up I was always told that you should never take anything for granted, and I’ve always tried my best and I know that I have failed severely. What do you take for granted he asks; my response is a lot.

 I take life and everything that comes with it for granted. I take the gift of waking up every day without no injuries, no illness, and no disability for granted. I take the meals I have for granted, the clean water I use, the clothes I wear, the access to information, electricity, education, but most importantly I take my freedom for granted.

I'm grateful for...

The root of joy is gratefulness and you may think that life suck, but there’s always something to be grateful for. Personally for me I’m extremely grateful for my family.  Yes, they are crazy and dysfunctional but, they give me life, they bring a lot of happiness.  I’m thankful for great friends that support me and help through the rough time. I'm thankful for having a place to call home. I'm thankful for the ability to feel love, to laugh, to forgive and to learn. I'm thankful my job, my health, the meals I have every day, the bed where I sleep, and many more. I thankful for everything I’ve been through, and everything that I have gained. I’m truly grateful for everything.

Absorb
Since we are always in a rush to get to the next thing we seem to forget to live and absorb all the good things in our “present moment. We need to appreciate all the good things before they become old memories that bring us smiles and warmth. As for me, I need to begin to absorb the happiness I get from all the times I’ve spent with my grandmother. Instead of getting sad about the thought of losing her, I need to begin to smile for all the time I spend talking to her, laughing, hugging her, and seeing her smile. I need to start enjoying the time I spend with my mother much more, and the times my brother and I spend just driving around at 2. Am eating ice cream. I need to absorb the memories of best friends and me looking for mermaid every Friday nights. I need to take in the lessons I’ve learned from every experience I went through and every obstacle I’ve overcome. These are the memories I need to remember and hold on to in my darkness time. Enjoy everyone you love and everything because nothing last forever, before you know everything become memories. 

Crystal clear blue sky

How soft the birds sing

How smooth the wind blows

Our late night talks

Silly dance parties

That family bond

Eating your cooking

Your loving embrace

How worried you get

Our late night drives

Really loud music

The taste of ice cream

The bed I lay on

A place to call home

The people I love

For all of these and many more I’m thankful…..

Something about fear

Intro

This week, I get a little a more personal as we enter some of my fears, asset and obstacles I had/have to overcome. 

       Fears

   I could sit here and tell you a million quotes about conquering our fears, but what good is that going to do. Yeah! For a minute, we get inspired and try to fight that feeling and tell yourself that our fears are not real but that’s we go wrong. Our fears are very much real and that's what we fail to realize. What we feel is real but at the same time it is an illusion, it is a story that we tell our self, it's an excuse. Sometimes it hard to distinguish reality from an illusion that our mind created. You see, growing up I was afraid of what every other kid were afraid of, spiders, snakes, the monsters under my bed, clowns, and many more. But one fear that never left me throughout my life is the fear of losing the people I love most. I know what you're thinking, Downey you do know everyone dies, and the answer is yes I do, but that is something I could never get over.  Right now there are two people in my life that I am terrified to lose; my dad and grandmother. My fear doesn't come from them actually dying but from the last thing I say to them.

      I fear that if my father dies right now I would not be able to attend his funeral nor would I be able to say a proper goodbye. Miles away from him, in another country where am I going to get the money or the time to go all the way to Haiti to bury him? I've spent so much time being angry at him to finally forgive him and now slowly losing him. And God forbid if my grandmother dies right now, I feel like my whole family will fall apart. She's the only glue that keeps all of us together, and rather than us coming together as a family, we'll go our separate ways. You see, my fears are no longer spiders, snakes, the monsters under my bed, heights, but they are the fear of losing the people closest to my heart. This is no longer an illusion or story that I'm telling myself, this is my reality. This is me trying to accept that death is always going to be here, alway going to be my biggest fear. It's not the thought dying, but the thought of losing them. That’s what scared me every time the phone rings.

To me, a life without obstacles is a life that's not worth living. I believe that we are all created for a special purpose and the obstacles in our life are the things that give us power, strength, and make us who we are. We can complain about the problems that we have, but let's be honest what the point of living without a purpose is. We all have obstacles and we all face them differently, but what we do have in common is that when we over of overcome those obstacles we gain so much.  So far in my life I had to face many, from grief to relationships, to time, to the decisions that I made, illness, emotions, and many more. But one of the hardest thing I had to do it was brief. I've never really been the emotional type or the sad girl, but when I brief I tend to shut down, push everyone away from me and pack with anger. I've come to find that we all deal with grief in our different ways, but I have yet to find a healthy way to deal with losing someone.

 About a year ago I lost one of my brothers, and I can't even begin to tell you how much it hurt and how numb I felt very long time. I knew this time that had to fight it. I had to fight the anger, pushing people away, not wanting to get help, and not wanting to feel pain. Grief is one of the things reminds us that we are human because we actually get to feel. Without the obstacles in our life, we wouldn't be where we are today. We wouldn't be as strong as we are right now in this current moment.  I do believe that every obstacle can be defeated, they can be overcome. Maybe not be forever but you can overcome almost anything. Obstacles are here to challenge and with every challenge there's a way of defeat.

    

Assets

I found that knowing our assets help us in conquering our fear and defeating our obstacles. A lot of fears comes from not being good enough, not being strong enough, not being smart enough. Well take a moment and think about the things that you're good at, the strength and talent that you have. Think about the things that you love about yourself, the things that you are proud of, and a lot of times those things help you conquer your fear. For me, when I am about to take on one of my fears, I think about how strong I am because of my past experiences, and about a how passionate I am.  I think about how I try to remain positive in a lot of negative moments. See the good in yourself, think of all the things that you have gained from your past experiences and use that to help you face your fears. Know that you're not alone, you have yourself, you have your experiences, you have your strength, and you have so many things that you don't know. Our fears belong to us and the only way we can defeat it is to know who we are. Try not to say I can't, or I'm not good enough but try I can, and I am. Try acceptance and Get to know yourself, get to new fear and start overcoming them.

Something about fear

Something about fear

 Makes me so unclear

Whenever it’s near

I seem to a shed a tear

It’s calling me dear

Mr. Fear, Mrs. Fear

I can see them coming

My heart is drumming

My mind is running

My body is numbing

Mr. Fear, Mrs. Fear

I’m have no control

I’m slowly losing my soul

I start to feel cold

I’m not playing this role

Mr. Fear, Mrs. Fear

Please let me go

My tears starts to flow

Mr. Fear, Mrs. Fear

Please go away

You win once again.

            

                

Present moment

This week I read an article about living in the present and I can honestly that it capture my attention. One of the things it asks was “are you living in the present?” and I got to say I have no answer to such a simple question. So this week, ask yourself the same question and try to really reflect on it. Today’s post is about present moments. Hope you enjoy it.

Future Carrer

Lately, I’ve struggling to make a decision about an actual career. As the semester comes to an end, I really have to think about the next step, and I can’t just keep take classes that are not going towards my degree. Ever I was a little girl I’ve knew that I wanted to be a nurse, and that was the plan until I started working as a counselor.

 I begin to take an interest in teaching kids, and it brings a lot of joy, but it started confusing me in so many ways. Throughout high school, I did everything that involve being a nurse, and I love each part of the medical field. It guarantees a job in the future, and I know I’m going to love it, but I love teaching as well. The thing with teaching is there’s no absolute guarantee of a job when you graduate, and it’s not a risk I’m willing to take. I know for both path, it’s not going to be easy, and failure is not an opinion. So, now how I do choose between my dream career and a career I just let in love with? Maybe I’ll just do both.

Something about letting go

How do you know when to let go? How do you know when you’re actually ready to let go?  Is there a sign that you get, or a talk you have with yourself?  At that moment do you listen to your heart or your mind? I never understood how people are so quick to walk away, like how do you walk from years of history and chemistry. When did you tell yourself that this person wasn’t worth fighting for anymore? I’ve always told myself that “we don’t give up on the people that we love”, but lately I came to the conclusion that, giving up and walking away is sometimes the best we can do for ourselves. At that moment, we don’t listen to our heart, or our mind, we listen to our soul. We have to find the pain, the tears, and then ask ourselves, is this what I deserve? Do I love myself more than that person? Is the situation slowly taking the light inside of you, is it slowly killing your happiness and if you answer yes, that’s when, that's when you should away Because no one deserve to be strip off their happiness, and their light. Love may be a lot of things, but it’s not everything.

What now?

Right, I am thinking about a way to end this week post, and nothing really come to mind no surprise there. Weeks after weeks I struggle on what I should write and picture I should include, but this it was a little different, the pictures was an easy choice, the words, on the other hand, was personal, and they came from me, not responses to question, but from me, and my thought. As I end this week post, I have a few thing to say, a few advice to give.  Number one, stop try trying to survive and start living. Number two, breathe and actually breath, and not just to survive but  to feel. Number three, be who you truly are because you are beautiful; more than you can ever know. 

When I stop, I notice

When I stop

I notice how green the trees are

How lovely the birds sing

How soft the wind blew

How beautiful nature really is

When I stop, I notice

That a smile can bring you warmth

That love is everywhere

Hugs can keep you safe

And hope keeps us going

When I stop I notice

How chaotic it really is

How corrupt we really are

We are beyond lost souls

We currently blind

When I stop, I notice

That we are no longer searching for monsters

Because we have become them

We longer fear

Because we have become the fears

When I stop I notice

 That the world is nothing but a dark paradise

Filled with nothing but beautiful beast

When I stop I notice

I see the beauty behind the beast

And beast behind the beauty

When I stop, I notice

The blinded truth