Something about fear

Intro

This week, I get a little a more personal as we enter some of my fears, asset and obstacles I had/have to overcome. 

       Fears

   I could sit here and tell you a million quotes about conquering our fears, but what good is that going to do. Yeah! For a minute, we get inspired and try to fight that feeling and tell yourself that our fears are not real but that’s we go wrong. Our fears are very much real and that's what we fail to realize. What we feel is real but at the same time it is an illusion, it is a story that we tell our self, it's an excuse. Sometimes it hard to distinguish reality from an illusion that our mind created. You see, growing up I was afraid of what every other kid were afraid of, spiders, snakes, the monsters under my bed, clowns, and many more. But one fear that never left me throughout my life is the fear of losing the people I love most. I know what you're thinking, Downey you do know everyone dies, and the answer is yes I do, but that is something I could never get over.  Right now there are two people in my life that I am terrified to lose; my dad and grandmother. My fear doesn't come from them actually dying but from the last thing I say to them.

      I fear that if my father dies right now I would not be able to attend his funeral nor would I be able to say a proper goodbye. Miles away from him, in another country where am I going to get the money or the time to go all the way to Haiti to bury him? I've spent so much time being angry at him to finally forgive him and now slowly losing him. And God forbid if my grandmother dies right now, I feel like my whole family will fall apart. She's the only glue that keeps all of us together, and rather than us coming together as a family, we'll go our separate ways. You see, my fears are no longer spiders, snakes, the monsters under my bed, heights, but they are the fear of losing the people closest to my heart. This is no longer an illusion or story that I'm telling myself, this is my reality. This is me trying to accept that death is always going to be here, alway going to be my biggest fear. It's not the thought dying, but the thought of losing them. That’s what scared me every time the phone rings.

To me, a life without obstacles is a life that's not worth living. I believe that we are all created for a special purpose and the obstacles in our life are the things that give us power, strength, and make us who we are. We can complain about the problems that we have, but let's be honest what the point of living without a purpose is. We all have obstacles and we all face them differently, but what we do have in common is that when we over of overcome those obstacles we gain so much.  So far in my life I had to face many, from grief to relationships, to time, to the decisions that I made, illness, emotions, and many more. But one of the hardest thing I had to do it was brief. I've never really been the emotional type or the sad girl, but when I brief I tend to shut down, push everyone away from me and pack with anger. I've come to find that we all deal with grief in our different ways, but I have yet to find a healthy way to deal with losing someone.

 About a year ago I lost one of my brothers, and I can't even begin to tell you how much it hurt and how numb I felt very long time. I knew this time that had to fight it. I had to fight the anger, pushing people away, not wanting to get help, and not wanting to feel pain. Grief is one of the things reminds us that we are human because we actually get to feel. Without the obstacles in our life, we wouldn't be where we are today. We wouldn't be as strong as we are right now in this current moment.  I do believe that every obstacle can be defeated, they can be overcome. Maybe not be forever but you can overcome almost anything. Obstacles are here to challenge and with every challenge there's a way of defeat.

    

Assets

I found that knowing our assets help us in conquering our fear and defeating our obstacles. A lot of fears comes from not being good enough, not being strong enough, not being smart enough. Well take a moment and think about the things that you're good at, the strength and talent that you have. Think about the things that you love about yourself, the things that you are proud of, and a lot of times those things help you conquer your fear. For me, when I am about to take on one of my fears, I think about how strong I am because of my past experiences, and about a how passionate I am.  I think about how I try to remain positive in a lot of negative moments. See the good in yourself, think of all the things that you have gained from your past experiences and use that to help you face your fears. Know that you're not alone, you have yourself, you have your experiences, you have your strength, and you have so many things that you don't know. Our fears belong to us and the only way we can defeat it is to know who we are. Try not to say I can't, or I'm not good enough but try I can, and I am. Try acceptance and Get to know yourself, get to new fear and start overcoming them.

Something about fear

Something about fear

 Makes me so unclear

Whenever it’s near

I seem to a shed a tear

It’s calling me dear

Mr. Fear, Mrs. Fear

I can see them coming

My heart is drumming

My mind is running

My body is numbing

Mr. Fear, Mrs. Fear

I’m have no control

I’m slowly losing my soul

I start to feel cold

I’m not playing this role

Mr. Fear, Mrs. Fear

Please let me go

My tears starts to flow

Mr. Fear, Mrs. Fear

Please go away

You win once again.