A needed Experience

The summer of my junior year my family and I packed up all our things and move about an hour away, to the town of Randolph, Massachusetts. In your head, you’re probably thinking that it’s not that, or it’s not that far but you are extremely wrong for many reasons.  If you ever grew up in the city, where you have an easy access to everything and everyone then you may understand the torture of moving to a new town where it’s the complete opposite. I use to drive to Randolph to see family or go to next town and I would always say that would never leave there it look extremely dead, it seems there was nothing there to do, whereas in the city there always something to do. The day I left Boston and move to Randolph, I thought about how I was going to transition being in the city to being in the middle of now where, this ladies and gentle was going to be a challenge.

The first couple months in Randolph wasn’t that bad, it consisted a lot of eating, sleeping, and watching TV, mostly because I didn’t know anyone, and I refused to leave my house. I was either bored or lonely, and at times both, so when school started I was filled with excitement, mainly because I was going to see friends and my best friend since I haven’t seen them all summer.  No one understood that I hated being in Randolph with a passion, I was away from everyone I knew, and everything I wanted to do, and commuting was the worst part. When school started I had to be up around 4 in the morning, leave my house around 5 o’clock and walk up a hill to catch the early bus to Ashmont, to actually make it on time to school. When school ended, I had to leave school right on time, run to the train to catch the early bus back home, to avoid traffic, and if I missed the Holbrook bus I had to wait another hour, or take a normal bus to Randolph, and walk 20 minutes home. I told myself to get moving and make the best out of it, but that became hard to do when my mother lost her job and ended up in the hospital for a week. Words couldn’t explain how I began to felt, I knew that it would have been different if we were Boston. I began to stress not only about my mother but the bills, and then sadness became, which follow by anger and lead to sickness. For the remaining time I lived in Randolph, my life consisted of pain, tears, anger, and a lot of stress.

We left Randolph the summer before my senior year, and now as I sit back and think about my time there I recognize that it was probably one of the most challenging time I went thru but also an experience I was most thankful for.  I realize how much I had grown during the year I spent in Randolph, from me stepping up and taking adult responsibilities, to me taking care of my sick mother while balancing school, and most importantly conquering one of my deepest fear; being alone.  During that year, I got the best grades in school, I spend more time with my family, I spend more time giving back, and the best part is I grew within. So, in the end it was living in Randolph was a growing experience; an experience I would do again, and a town I wish to never in again.

                                                  
                                                                    Alchemy

What is alchemy?

Maybe it's the only remedy 

That can treat me of this malady

Earth, Fire, Air, Water

Control by nature

From our creator

 Maybe it’s our savior

To drink this elixir

Maybe it will fix her

Since it’s made up of mixer

It’s more than just science

It’s a lot of people reliance

Has a little chemistry

With a dash of fantasy

Magic they said, magic

It fixes

It heal

It gives but also take

What is alchemy they ask?

  

               It's life

                                        

Teachers Of All Things

Julius Caesar once stated that “Experience is the teacher of all things” and I couldn’t agree more.  I learn at a very young age that our experiences are more than just things we undergo or encounter, but they are our own personally stories, our own collection of memories and lessons but most importantly our identity.  As we go through life, we do undergo a variety of things, while some are small others are major, and the major ones that can either make us or break us. During my 18 years on this earth, I’ve lived through many great experiences as well as dreadful experiences but today I will be sharing three experiences that change for the good as well as the bad…!

Roses from death

I was about 8 years old, almost 9 when I was told that I had to leave everything I knew and everyone I loved behind.  I can’t even begin in to tell you the sadness I felt for the years that followed, but the sadness didn’t compare to the one I felt on January 12, 2010. I remember it like it was yesterday, that pain I felt is a pain I would never forget.  It was about 4 in the afternoon, my mom, my brothers and I was sitting in the living watching TV, and talking, laughing when breaking news hit. I didn’t pay it attention because I thought it was just another one of those breaking news stories until I saw the words HAITI and EARTHQUAKE in the same line. I quickly turned around and put press as hard as I can on the volume, and all was it took was the anchor lady to say ‘Haiti has been struck with a 7.0 magnitude earthquake’ to feel every ounce of pain in less than a second. All I could think about was my family, especially my dad and my sister. So, I ran to the phone trying to call them, but I couldn’t get through, so I panic, and the worst came to mind.  The next few days filled with headaches, tears, and a million prayers. I prayed for everyone, my family, friends, their family, their friend, prayed for Haiti, and prayed the world, even strangers, and I still heard nothing.  After a week of trying, I finally got through, and my dad answered it felt like a river flow down my face.  I cried like I’ve never cried before, and I cried even harder when he told me that my sister had died, as well as some aunts, uncles, and cousins.  Words can never capture the pain that I felt. That day I lost a part of me and I didn’t even know it, I lost Haiti, I love my sister, and with experiences I learn an important lesson. Death is always around the corner, so love like it’s your last time on this earth. 

Falling into heartbreak

I remember someone saying that being in love is like being on crack, not only for the high but the effect of overdosing, I never really knew what that meant, since I’ve never been on crack but I do know what it feels like to be in love and getting your heart broken.  I was about 12 years old when I first met him, and we instantly hit it off. For as long as I can remember he play the role of my best friend and my own personally comedian, he was always the one person I could really run to with anything. Throughout the years, my feeling for him grew a little more than just friends, but I always stop myself because I was afraid to lose our friendship that mostly him.  We dated other people and at times we stop talking to each other, but that never worked out because we would always find our way back to just being friends again. So, when I was about 16 we decided to give us a tried and that was probably the best and worst decision I’ve ever mad. We dated for almost a year, and I was happy, really happy. He was everything I wanted and more, he brought out a light in me I never knew existed. I felt like I could fly as high as the birds, and touch the sky if I wanted to, I had to be realistic but   He made me better, he made want to be better, he made me good, it felt good being happy and I never knew I was falling in love with him, until it ended.  When it ended, it was as if my heart was suddenly ripped out my chest, and it was being squeezed right in front of me, I was a fish out of the water, gasping for air. I felt stranded like I had nowhere to go because he wasn’t there anymore.  Till this day, I feel like when he walk as the door, he took a piece of me with him, a piece I can never back. To I being in love isn’t always about being high but a different version of yourself and heartbreaking isn’t always overdosing but simply losing yourself.  “ With love come pain, but through the pain you gain strength”.

                                                                                             

       To new beginnings

All, I could here was “We madeeeeee itttttttt”, and I couldn’t agree more. They always said that high school was going to be either the best four years of your life or the worst, well for me it was cut right in the middle. The first two years were the best years, no stress, no complaints, just memories fill with laugh and love. I think all I did that first years was filled with laughter, I was really the happiest back then, but that change faster than a cheetah running. By junior year, I began to hate everything, and senior year was even worst. I was praying God to fast forward time so I could get out of high school and dropping out wasn’t an option. When the day came for me graduated I have so many feelings, I was happy, but I was sad, and I was nervous but I was excited, I was scared as well as thrilled, but freedom out beat everything. The thought of me not going to school every day and making my own schedule fascinated me and it was it a rollercoaster ride I was ready to start, and there’s no way of me getting off. When the moment came for my name to be called, I was sad because I realize that I was about to close this chapter in my life that had been open for four years now, it molded into who I am , it contain so many lessons, so may great and I wasn’t ready to close that. But, I knew it was time to move on to greater things, so I ran to that to a stage will a smile across my face, screaming I did it, we did it! For one last time, one last picture, one last smile, I embraced the past four years with an open heart, and I close the high school chapter and open a new one.  To new beginnings, new roller-coaster, to memories, and a new lesson.

                                                                        Empty calls

                                                                                                          

Ring- ring goes go the phone

Got to deal with this on my own

She asking about a loan

I really don’t like her tone

It makes me want to groan

Man, I want to be left alone

                             

                                                                                           Too many questions being ask

Too many people passing by

Is this guy wearing a masked?

Yo he’s really trying to fly

This is not an easy task

Man, I just want to cry

The pay isn’t even that good

I swear I’m going insane

And no one understood

Here we go again with the complaints

Yo, is it time for my break

Can you please call Blake?

 Cause I really got an ache

And I need to be awake.

Timeless child

                                                            When I was a timeless child

                                                                                                   When I was a timeless child

                                                                                                                   

                                                                                       I had no worried, no fear

I would run into the deepest part of the forest

Looking for fairies and bees

No concerned, no cares, no tears should be shed

                                                                                                

                                                                                                                   When I was a timeless child

                                                                                          

                                                                                         I would laugh and dance

                                                                                                                    

                                                                                                                        For what felt like years

                                                                            

                                                                                    The world was not yet so clear

                                                                                                                     

                                                                                        So innocent and deer

  

  When I was a timeless child

I use to play with my dollies

Till now I still have some of my babies

My brother made me laugh by acting all folly

I still remember the first time we watch Wall-E

Power

This is a story of me finding my voice that was so deeply hidden.

My senior year in high school, I join the Lenox and St. Stephens teen organizer community, and the mission was to bring together the youth,  fight for jobs, and help put a stop to the violence in the city. Every Tuesday and Thursday it would be meeting, Training and meeting, so, I started doubting my decision of joining the organizing team. Months went by and it seems like I didn’t find any ones of my so claim power or special talents, so I became less interested and I started to believe that I just didn’t have one. Then, one week I was assigned to the lead the youth job rally, I had to make a speech at the state house, and met with some members of senate and congress team, right then and there I was on the path to finding my voice. When the day came to lead the rally, I transform into someone I barely recognize.  I was screaming, chanting, demanding for more youth jobs, with a  burst of energy and a heart full of passion, I finally recognize what my power was I didn’t have the power to fly or teleport but I had the power to stand up for an important cause and make a different.

Belittle by strangers

Applying to college was one of the worst roller coaster ride I’ve ever got one and not getting to go to my dream school was one of the most heart breaking things I had to deal with. Throughout high school, I worked very hard to get into my dream school, from having the right grades, to the clubs, to sport, and the after school curricular, I did it all to get it. When the time came to send out college application, they were the first one send out, and the last one I heard from. I remember coming home and seeing that envelop and got so excited and so nervous at the same time. I tried feeling it to see if there was a tape banner inside because that would mean that I am accepted, I didn’t feel anything, so I grew more nervous. I waited three days to open it, hopping that if it wasn’t an acceptance letter, it would magically change overnight. When I finally opened it, it felt like I won a million bucks. I got accepted with a merit scholarship of 25,000 year for four years if I maintain a certain G.P.A, man I was happy, until I look at my financial and saw my gap with how much loans I would have to take. Right then and there I knew it was a bad sign, but I told myself not to give up. So, I tried every way I could think to go to the school, from writing the financial office to calling the school almost every day, still nothing. So focus on that specific school, I totally about the rest and complete miss all the deadlines. When I finally snap out of it, it was too late to call the other schools and all that work was for nothing. I was completely devastated.  When the time came to tell the school what college you decided to go to, everyone was so excited to talk about getting into their dream school and I didn’t want no part of it.  Secretly, I envied them, for all the right but wrong reasons. I didn’t feel like they worked as hard as I did or it’s not fair they got more money, and the list goes one, but I couldn’t blame it was my fault, I was to focused on just one school, so after crying and being mad I decided to get over it. I told myself that was another way, and maybe its good thing I didn’t go.

Strengthening

Practice makes perfect! I find that reading about movements and watching inspirational movies helps me when the time comes to stands up for things that I am passionate about. I think that  meditating have help me a lot, it’s like taking the time out to  evaluated things and cleanse the mind of many toxic thoughts. Classical masterpiece help balance and inspire me. I think several of things works in many different ways.  

Holding hands with an angel

Dear P
      How are you? How are things? I know we haven't spoken in a while, mostly because you never answer anymore. I guess time isn't on our side, and you were right, college isn't has bad as I thought, I  just have to learn how to  manage my time a little better, but so far I seem to be hanging on. I'm writing you today to let you know that I miss you so much, as well as to thank you for everything you have done for me. Thank you for not only being a great cousin but an amazing mentor.Thank you for running to my rescue whenever I was in trouble. Thanks for taking the time out to really get to know me not as another family member but, for the person I truly am. On multiple you occasion,you have prove to me that you can play varies roles from a cousin, to mother, to a sister, to a best friend and to a mentor. Thank you for picking me up whenever I was down, took care of me whenever I was sick, made me laugh whenever I was sad, and most importantly, thank you for being you, and being one of the person I truly count on in this world.
     
     I remember meeting you for the first time when I was eight-years old, and though about why we look so alike, but when my mother introduce you as my cousin everything just made more sense. Ever since then you were more than just any other cousin, you become a teacher. You have taught and showed me that I could do anything if I was put my mind to it. You help my mother when she was down, pick me up and dress me every school year. You made me deals with some things I didn't want to, and for that I thank you, because I am now a less angrier person. You made me realize that in order to forgive someone, you have to forgive yourself . You taught that, 'giving back is one of life greatest gift', and you don't have to be loaded to give, because 'giving when you don't have a lot to give is a great sacrifice'. You have play a role in molding me into the person that I am today, you've have truly made me better.

  Even though you have been here since birth, you still still miss a lot. It wasn't until my junior year in high school that we reconnect. It seems like you knew exactly when to come around, because everything was fall apart. Now, sitting here as I recall being this angry 16 year old girl, who was of fighting life and its trick, and you being this angel, holding my hand through my darkness days. I was so angry back then and, it felt like that anger was never going to go away because of the pain  that left but you help me. You made talk about it, and advise me about letting go the pain because " it takes the light away from you". I use to think that talking about things didn't really help, but through time I notice that i had became less angry and hurt.  Now, two years later, i'm less angry, less hurt, and stronger than I was before. Thank you for all that you have done, and I love you from the bottom of my heart.

Sincerely,
Loune

Holding hands with angels

(This poem is dedicated to the person I love most- J)

You ever held hand with an angel

because I never knew I could be able

to be the person that I've become 

I though it was all just a fable 

sitting across this table

looking at you,my Angel.

Yes! you! You gave me life!

You save me when no one else could

You took the knife

away from my enemy

my God you are the perfect remedy

right there you became my clarity 

you really know how much you mean to me.

Now in this reality 

surrounded by all this tragedies

you seems to be the only melody

that stills gives me energy

I still hold all of our memories

they will be my greatness Legacy.